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negative parenting test

Our views, actions, and strategies for coping with stress and difficult situations in adulthood are often rooted in our early experiences and relationships, especially those that involved our parents. Continue reading about the negative parenting test, to build a clearer picture as to how your upbringing has affected your ability to cope with these stressful situations as an adult.

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By: Sophie Parienti
Edited date: January 11, 2023Estimated reading time: 15 minutes

Over the years as a Life Coach and Relationship and Communication Counselor, I have seen many adults who reported having a difficult childhood and still feel affected by how their parents treated them.

Our views, actions, and strategies for coping with stress and difficult situations in adulthood are often rooted in our early experiences and relationships, especially those that involved our parents. Continue reading about the negative parenting test, to build a clearer picture as to how your upbringing has affected your ability to cope with these stressful situations as an adult.

It goes without saying that any form of childhood trauma can profoundly affect our upbringing and the relationships we create as adults. It’s worth noting that if we have not processed and healed those childhood wounds, we are more likely to adopt a more negative parenting style.

For instance, if we develop trust and attachment issues as children due to neglect, abuse, rejection, abandonment, etc., then it’s likely that we will carry these issues into adulthood.

We might also struggle with self-doubt, fear of judgment, setting boundaries, and regulating our emotions, and as a result, we may find it challenging to be a good parent and provide a safe and happy home for our children.

Further along in this article, you will find questions you can answer from the viral negative parenting test that you may wish to look at to learn more about your parenting style, the effect it might have on your children, and how to make healthy changes, for example using the nonviolent communication method.

negative parenting test

Key Takeaways

The negative parenting test may help you on your journey to discovering whether your actions are a result of unhealed childhood trauma. Negative parenting has adverse effects on children and can significantly impact their relationships and the way they view themselves as they enter adulthood. As the parent you must learn to heal your own inner wounds so that you can set a good example for your children.

This can be done by showing that you respect and listen to your children, refraining from labelling them, and being there to help them with their needs without judgement or criticism. Nonviolent communication is a useful tool that you can use to embark on this positive and transformative personal development process.

What is negative parenting?

The negative parenting test can teach you a lot. Negative parenting consists of many different damaging patterns of behavior and is often a result of trauma that we are unaware of and haven’t healed. As a result, we pass this trauma and the consequential patterns of behavior on to our children in the way we parent them.

For instance, let’s say you had very competitive parents. They might have never given you genuine praise unless you were top of the class or came first in something.

This may then have led you to believe that your worth was attached to how well you performed and develop a fear of disappointing your parents if you did anything that was less than perfect.

The amount of emotional pressure this puts on a child is astronomical, and it’s likely you weren’t even aware it was happening. As a result, you may have gone through your entire adult life thinking that, on some level, your worth was attached to how well you did, and therefore may have naturally passed this on to your children.

This is why we should build our self-awareness, for instance, by doing the negative parenting test and look into our pasts, perhaps with the help of a professional coach, counselor, or specialist. When we can open our eyes, heal our trauma and support ourselves, we can show up as much better parents for our children and stop the cycle from continuing for future generations.

negative parenting test

Why should I take the negative parenting test?

We are better equipped to provide a safe environment for our kids if we have worked to resolve and heal our own childhood wounds. As parents, we can set a good example by learning from the negative parenting test and talking to our children and showing them how to deal with difficult situations.

And to do so, we must first learn to do that for ourselves. This will help our children’s emotional and social development and make them feel secure and supported. 

As adults, we can still work to repair the emotional scars we suffered as children and develop the resilience and social skills we need to thrive in the world. While this process can be challenging, it can also benefit our personal development and the quality of our relationships, especially with our children.

This negative parenting test examines your ability to be a constructive parent to your child

Below is a test that you can use to reflect on your parenting style and identify negative parenting traits and common damaging patterns that could impact your child. You may wish to use it to begin your process of transformation and/or decide to seek some additional support along the way.

You might be wondering how to take the viral Negative Parent Test. Read each question and take a moment before answering to assess whether you appear to display any of these negative parenting traits or parenting styles. In this new quiz, you will be able to reflect on them and then start to make a change if needed.

Take the Negative Parenting Test here below NOW.

1. Do you regularly criticize or belittle your child, or do you offer praise and encouragement?

2. Do you frequently raise your voice or use physical force when disciplining your child?

3. Do you respect your child’s boundaries and allow them to express their own thoughts and emotions, or do you dismiss or invalidate their emotions?

4. Do you set clear and consistent rules and boundaries for your child, or do you let them make their own decisions without guidance?

5. Do you show love and warmth towards your child, or do you withdraw emotionally and/or ignore their needs?

6. Do you listen actively and try to understand your child’s perspective, or do you dismiss their thoughts and feelings?

7. Do you make an effort to spend quality time with your child, or do you prioritize other activities over their needs?

8. Do you model respectful and positive behaviors towards your child and others, or do you exhibit aggressive or controlling behaviors?

9. Do you often lose your temper or become angry with your child?

10. Do you punish your child excessively or unfairly?

11. Do you ignore your child’s needs or requests for attention?

12. Do you blame your child for problems or challenges that are not their fault?

13. Do you make your child feel guilty or ashamed for expressing their emotions or opinions?

14. Do you compare your child unfavorably to others?

15. Do you set unrealistic expectations for them?

16. Do you neglect your child’s physical, emotional, or educational needs?

17. Do you discourage your child’s autonomy or independence?

18. Do you regularly criticize your child’s appearance or abilities?

19. Do you make decisions for your child without consulting or considering their opinions?

20. Do you frequently withhold affection or praise from your child?

21. Do you make your child feel like a burden or a disappointment?

22. Do you use sarcasm or mocking language when communicating with your child?

23. Do you dismiss your child’s feelings or experiences as unimportant or insignificant?

24. Do you frequently ignore your child’s requests for help or support?

25. Do you make your child feel like they are not good enough or capable of achieving their goals?

26. Do you use threats or intimidation to control your child’s behavior?

27. Do you frequently yell or scream at your child?

28. Do you make your child feel responsible for your emotions or problems?

29. Do you frequently criticize or belittle your child in front of others?

30. Do you use physical punishment as a means of discipline?

31. Do you often ignore your child’s needs for attention or affection?

32. Do you dismiss your child’s feelings or experiences as irrational or exaggerated?

33. Do you make your child feel like they are not worthy of love or affection?

34. Do you tell your child they are a disappointment or a burden?

35. Do you use emotional manipulation or coercion to control your child’s behavior?

36. Do you make your child feel like they are not good enough or capable of achieving their goals?

37. Do you frequently ignore or dismiss your child’s boundaries or personal space?

What do my results from this negative parent test mean?

If you answered “yes” to many of these questions, it might signify that you are exhibiting a negative parenting style. Recognizing and addressing these behaviors will help you to create a supportive environment for your child, give them a better chance to become secure adults, and reduce the possibility of them growing up with low self-esteem.

negative parenting test

Why should I act on the results from the negative parent test?

There are many benefits when parents communicate openly, effectively, and unambiguously with their children. First and foremost, it can strengthen the parent-child relationship as it helps to cultivate trust, understanding, and communication.

When parents recognize their unhelpful behaviors and begin interacting with their children openly, honestly, and constructively, they can better understand their children’s needs, ideas, and emotions, allowing them to be more responsive to their children. Children will be able to learn, mature, and reach their full potential in an environment reinforced by positivity and support.

What else can I do?

The negative parenting test may highlight a need to set more boundaries. Setting boundaries and defining rules and expectations is another crucial part of the parent-child relationship that requires effective communication. Children are more likely to understand and adhere to the rules of the house if their parents communicate with them clearly and consistently. This can help create a sense of order and structure in the home. 

In addition, strong communication skills can help parents solve problems and handle difficult situations more effectively. Parents can avoid negative parenting styles and set an excellent example in resolving conflicts and communicating with others by actively listening to each other, expressing themselves effectively, and using approaches that do not include aggressive communication. 

Parents need to improve their communication skills to build solid and healthy relationships with their children and to create a pleasant and supportive environment at home.

negative parenting test

Why is nonviolent communication important?

When parents use nonviolent communication strategies, they can have more meaningful conversations with their children, have fewer arguments, and build more enjoyable relationships.

The goal of nonviolent communication is to achieve mutual understanding. This involves using clear, direct, and polite language and shifting the focus from being critical to being mindful of the emotions of everyone involved. This can help to steer away from a negative parenting style.

In his nonviolent communication methodology, psychologist Marshall Rosenberg offers the possibility for parents to convey and understand their’s own emotions and those of their children without resorting to aggressive or accusatory language. 

Nonviolent communication can be used in many contexts, for example, to mitigate the adverse effects of poor parenting and to develop better self-awareness and the ability to express your needs and desires.

If you are feeling down, take a step back and think about how you feel and what you need. Doing this can help you to express your emotions and requests without resorting to anger or aggression and in a way that the other person can understand. 

It would help if you gave your child your full attention and empathy in every interaction. To do this, you must listen carefully and try to understand your child’s point of view and needs. 

Instead of condemning or blaming your child for their actions, try to express your own desires and emotions without judgment. Instead of saying, “you’re often so careless,” or “you always seem so thoughtless,” you could say, “I get angry when things get left out because I have to spend more time picking them up.”

When your child is angry or frustrated, try to imagine how it feels for them and address the issues that are triggering the behavior. You can then respond more compassionately and supportively. 

negative parenting test

Why you need to remove labels after your negative parenting test

Parents, educators, and peers often label children based on their appearance, behavior, and other characteristics, and there is also the influence of the crowd. These descriptions can shape a child’s ideas about their identity and place in the world for the rest of their lives. 

So it’s important to realize that while perhaps well-intentioned, labels are often limiting and can be harmful if not challenged or contested, and can actually contribute towards a negative parenting style. There is a risk that the labels we receive as children end up defining us and how we view ourselves.

The effects of this can be devastating in the future. They can lead to thoughts of confinement or limitation as we begin to identify with the labels we receive and struggle to see ourselves as anything other than how we have been described.

Why do we need to practice “unlearning”?

Participating in an “unlearning” process is often the way to overcome the limiting labels we have been given. So to see ourselves in a broader and more nuanced way, we need to let go of any ideas or behaviors that are based on these labels.

It may be necessary to examine the biases and stereotypes that underline the labels we have received and adopt new ways of thinking and behaving that reflect our true identity. 

Unlearning is complex, but it is often necessary if we want to detach ourselves from the ideas and practices that have been imposed on us by others, perhaps as a result of a negative parenting style. These self-destructive attitudes and actions have been passed down through the generations.

By engaging in this process, we can see ourselves in a more complete and authentic light, and from there, we can learn to live in a way that is more aligned with who we are.

dad and daughter in kitchen serving water washing hands

How to take the viral Negative Parenting Test

One site that many people are using to take this negative parenting test is Individual Differences Research or idr labs. Once the test has been taken using the respondent’s current perceptions, it offers the results online.

If you acknowledge the results from the negative parent test, you might gain more clarity on how you struggled or how your children might be struggling.

Where to go for a clear clinical picture

You may wish to seek guidance from professional services, perhaps by seeing a Relationship and Communication counselor such as myself or another qualified professional.

This could offer the support you may need to continue along this healing journey to becoming a better parent, as it may help you uncover more details about yourself, how you were raised, how your parents treated you, and common damaging negative parenting patterns you currently partake in.

Was the way your parents treated you toxic?

If you answer the questions from the negative parent test from the perspective of a child rather than a parent, you may be able to form a clearer picture of whether you grew up with a negative parenting style. This may shed light on the patterns of behavior you learned from your parents and potentially passed on to your children without realizing it.

Final words

In conclusion, working on ourselves and healing our emotional wounds can benefit our parenting style, and let’s face it: who doesn’t want to be the best parent possible?

We are better equipped to provide a helpful and loving environment for our family and move away from a negative parenting style if we heal the wounds caused by our own childhood trauma, learn new skills to manage our emotions effectively, and cultivate healthy bonds.

This helps children to feel loved and respected and promotes their emotional and social growth, which is essential. We must teach our kids the essential skills to manage their emotions and build good relationships while allowing them to have fun along the way; that’s a win-win situation for everyone involved.

So, let’s begin this process of personal development and become the extraordinary parents we were always meant to be!

kid walking with parents